Living never wore one out so much as the effort not to live

I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I've done some things that required a little bit of bravery, one of which has needed doing for a long, long time.

On Tuesday evening, I went to a Fab Four (Beatles tribute) concert all on my own. I absolutely love the Beatles, and this is the closest I will ever come to actually seeing them. They were very good, and sounded very, very close to the Beatles. Of course, you knew it wasn't actually the Beatles so that diminished the excitement somewhat, but it was an enjoyable evening and definitely worth ten dollars.

However, I had to go alone. I didn't have anyone to go with. Most people my age aren't wild about the Beatles, and I don't have any friends here that I could've dragged along.

It was fine until intermission. They had a long intermission, and I was sitting alone towards the top of the auditorium above the exit, and I felt really obvious. However, no one really cared. Any insecurities I had about it were in my own mind. I mean, if I went with a friend and saw someone sitting alone, I would barely notice. I certainly wouldn't think, "Wow, look at that loser who came here alone, what is wrong with her." If anything, I would admire her bravery and maybe be thankful that I had someone to go with. But I wouldn't be mentally trashing her. I feel better about myself since I had the nerve to do that.

I wouldn't mind going to a movie alone; however, I don't think I could brave eating at an actual sit-down restaurant by myself. I've been to fast food places and eaten alone, but I would feel too awkward at a real restaurant.

This morning I went to church alone, too. That is something that I should have done eight months ago when I first got here. But it's never too late. I wish that I had started going back then, but I did not, and I have learned that there is no point in regretting the past. It won't solve anything, and there is no better way to agonize over something that cannot be changed than wishing you had done this or hadn't done that.

I'm glad that I went. I intend to go back next weekend.

I have realized that I can live with this, the problem that bothers me every day. There are people with much worse burdens to bear. If God has led my life in this direction, then I can handle it. It's that simple. I'm not alone, never have been alone, never will be alone. It won't be easy, and I'm not saying that this is going to last forever, but while it is here I can handle it, whether it continues for two more weeks or for the rest of my life.